The Strength of Vulnerability

Sometimes fear keeps us from sharing our hearts. The feeling that comes with sharing our truth, that we may not feel heard, believed, or validated. It feels too exposed, too real, or too vulnerable. It is the same fear that prevents us from feeling that we can truly be ourselves, and share all the parts of who we are, not caring what others think or how they respond.

I am a big believer of strength in truth. Sharing truth, living truth, guided by truth. If we are not living our own truth (congruent with who we are), something often feels missing or false. I am also a fast detector of truth, and always have been. Reading body cues, facial expressions, and language comes naturally to me. It is hard to fly a lie under my radar (although it does sometimes happen). The problem occurs when lies are confronted. It turns out that people don’t like to admit when they are stretching the truth. When confronted, I have found that people often shut down, or grow defensive (gaslighting, projections, denial) in response.

Understanding motivations for people’s truths and deception has become important to me as well. Motivation for a “white lie” may be very different than motivation for a “manipulative lie,” which is often intended to gain power or advantage. When motivations are selfish or faulty, a lie becomes particularly problematic to a relationship.

So, here is where vulnerability comes in. If we can learn to feel more comfortable in our own skin, comfortable enough to share our truth and risk feeling vulnerable and rejected, we can have healthier, stronger, and more genuine relationships and communications with others. People will trust more, grow closer, and relate to others in a more authentic and uninhibited way (obviously it is still important to have social graces).

If we don’t expose our vulnerable core, we risk being rejected on the basis of appearing disingenuous or incongruent. Vulnerability in authentic expression is a risk, and one that not everyone feels they can handle. But if we push ourselves to share, to connect, and to grow in truthful communication with others, we can fulfill our desires for stronger, closer, and more intimate connections with the valuable people in our lives.