The Balance Between Setting Better Boundaries and Establishing Healthy Connections
Many individuals are starting to recognize that they want healthier, full-filling, and less draining relationships. Classic or more traditional ways of relating are sometimes filled with a sense of obligation, guilt, or even dread. When the freedom of choice feels like it has been stripped away, people are often left feeling drained and emotionally burdened. The issue is, if we take care of ourselves, and set better boundaries in our relationships, they will feel more rewarding and less obligatory.
The question is, how do we go about striking this balance? If we say “no” to a commitment or an invitation, do we fear that we will miss out (FOMO)? Or worse yet, do we feel that we will be humiliated or rejected? Although adult brains are typically past the middle school stage of development, old fears may return when we are within certain social groups and settings. It is also important to observe what may be causing this anxiety. Individuals who have experienced bullying may fear that it will happen again. Or there may be uncomfortable dynamics within a social group that trigger this fear.
How do we create a healthy boundary for ourselves without distancing completely from the activities and social situations we enjoy? How do we focus on creating healthy relationship dynamics that are respectful and reciprocal? One thing to note is how you respond. Be assertive, firm and gentle with your reminders about your boundaries. A good friend or colleague should understand when you need space. And if they do not respond respectfully, there may be other issues within the relationship.
Sometimes it is hard to find the balance between getting time for ourselves to recharge and simply feeling less obligated. In most situations, I advocate for assertiveness rather than avoidance behaviors such as ghosting or other passive forms of communication. In fact, ghosting can create so much confusion that the other person does not understand how the relationship dynamic is intended to be. This does not mean that you need to respond immediately. Taking time to formulate a direct and clear response usually within a few days, is generally a good rule of thumb.
Finally, social activities should be mutual, rewarding and enjoyable for everyone involved. If the situation is so draining that you do not feel joy taking part in it and it is not a work-related or family obligation, then decide if it is worth your investment. Remember your time and energy are valuable, and those who are graced to be in your presence should honor that.
